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[16 Mar 2008|01:39am] |
i forgot about this damn thing that i started when i was 13.
update: im 18, taken, in love, in college, going to ULTRA.
peace!
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| its been awhile |
[08 Feb 2007|07:34pm] |
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Update: do you remember me at all? i used to post my life on here everyday..and now i could careless. but it seems that ive been brought back here to ..catch up.
im sick with mono. im single still. my dad had surgery to remove his cancer.
he's good.
ive met afi, seen them 3 times now.
screamed my little heart out.
i had a good summer..fell for a boy when i tried so desperately not to. knew it would end up no good anyways.
back to school, going to college..got into ucf. hooray for me.
my life seems on track, some sort of track. im no longer attending therapy and cutting just hasn't been useful therapy to me since. so this is where im at and im still not so sure as to where im going in life..but im going somewhere and im beyond all the negativity that will just hold me back. i used to say to myself "i cant leave my friends..theyre everything to me" when clearly..thats just stupid. ive seen them come and go, impact me and break me apart. theyll always be there, as i for them. but theyre not a good enough reason to stay.
what more am i to do in a lonely room
wait for the day to get out and get away
my life..is going
finally
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| 9/5 I GET TO MEET AFI |
[02 Sep 2006|09:32pm] |
On Monday 9/4 ill be flying to see the loves of my life from Florida to Nevada. My father is doing this all for me. He also managed to complete my life..by somehow talking to the right people to get me into the meet and greet.
come tuesday..ill be meeting AFI !!!
words cannot express the emotions im feeling right now
I want to scream smile sing dance laugh
I cant believe this is happening
i cant believe my dream is coming true
that infact i can say "my life is complete" and mean it completely
i dont want anything after this...my purpose is done and my dream turned reality. nothing could make this better.
im in love
im in love with this moment
and ill be in even more love come tuesday
ill be crying my eyes out when it ends
but itll be the most beautiful, memorable thing that can ever happen to me
i love life so much right now
i love everything
especially my father
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| im only here ..to question why im not |
[20 Jul 2006|09:32pm] |
sometimes it helps to get everything out..and be able to view the problematic situation in front of you. so here's my situation.
i miss having a reason to wake up in the morning. that being-someone. im sick of living this shit routine. it wont get better and im just tired of adjusting. things are swell, oh yeah.
im just tired of the waiting part. waiting for someone. waiting to grow up. waiting to leave.
things are nice now. i have the people i care most about in my life. drugs are still there. lingering in and comforting me. im thankful for them both..to help keep my sanity. i honestly cant live this life..on my own.
i have lost the people i care most about. i felt like i was being pushed aside and the light i had shining on me got taken away. suddenly..being with me wasnt something to brag about anymore. i dont know. i try not to let it bother me..but i just wonder. what happened? dont answer that.
i think im going to go back to therapy. im not comfortable in my own skin. my relationship with me and parents is beyond help. im not satisfied with what i have. and im so very afraid of the world. i dont want to face it alone..and im so tired of being alone.
when will it be my turn..to have something wonderful?
...to have someone..wonderful?
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| i pray the lord my soul to keep, what about the rest of me? |
[14 Jul 2006|11:16am] |
| [ |
music |
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her space holiday. |
] |
"I've got a boy problem
I've got a drug problem
And I don't want to solve them
They sit right where I want them
They kill my memory
They wrote this melody
And if I take enough
I won't miss you so much"
im going to throw myself into a new group of friends
for the sake of saving my heart and killing my loneliness
i mean it this time
i miss saying "yeah that boy right there, he's mine"
i miss smiling when i hear his name
i miss getting random calls at midnight
i miss my good relationships
hehh.
i dont think ill ever have something as good as my last relationship ever again. doesnt seem likely. or maybe i will and ill just fuck up and not let it be.
let it be, please.
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| WARPED 06 MIAMI BABY |
[25 Jun 2006|11:46am] |
warped was amazing. nads, aly, and i hung out the night before. hung out with grant, seth, and corben. aly pierced her septum and nads pierced her lip!
so we woke up late..we wanted to go at 5 but got up at 8:30. we got lost 3 times and then we had to wait in a mile long line.
i got to see every band i wanted to.
in no order..
silverstein
anti-flag
against me!
bouncing souls
rise against!!
UNDEROATH! (i was up front mfs)
armor for sleep
the bled
plain white t's
saves the day (acoustic) ( met them)
the casualties
motion city soundtrack
valient thorr (always a pleasure to see lol)
everytime i die (before it became a hurricane)
Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
it poured and there was lightning so the last 5 bands were cancelled!
everytime i die ended their set early..paramore, nofx, and thursday didnt get to play. and when it started raining everyone went running..imagine over 500 kids running down the streets of miami..funny as hell.
ive come equiped with pics
( clickkkkkkk warped 06 miami pics )
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| what a tragedy |
[16 Jun 2006|12:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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try |
] |
| [ |
music |
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your exlover is dead. |
] |
i dont want to belong
i just want to belong to you
i really do(nt) mean it
im just hung up.
..hanging on to nothing.
and ive concluded that if i ever want to feel somebody
i need to meet a new somebody
a friend of a friend of a friend..and so on and so forth
until..there he is.
all beautiful and new.
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| midnight poetry. |
[14 Jun 2006|01:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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time travel me back |
] |
remember when your hand fit in mine
the day we saw the heavens collide
and i swear you wore your red dress
better in the sirens light
it always fit you
like the way those lips did too
thats what laid you to rest
train tracks were never safe in drunken heals
you told me to wear a smile
close my eyes and follow the sirens
in a letter by the dresser
but i found it before you knew
you were there like you said you'd be
only a bit too early
we were supposed to go out together
but you said itd be better if you went before
in a letter in crimson stains that i carried with me
i had so much more to live for
romeo and juliet couldnt compare
to the pact we made on that night of that deathly affair
they said it was one
but the conductor knew more
than the letter let on..
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| WARPED. |
[02 Jun 2006|10:12pm] |
Miami, FL on Sat June 24
the only bands i wouldnt miss for the world..
Anti-Flag
Armor For Sleep
As Cities Burn
Emanuel
Everytime I Die
From Autumn to Ashes
From First to Last
Hellogoodbye
Motion City Soundtrack
NOFX
Paramore
Reggie and the Full Effect
Rise Against
Saves The Day
The Academy Is..
The Bled
Thursday
Underoath
holyshit.
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| AFI "decemberunderground" tracklist |
[25 Apr 2006|06:41pm] |
Prelude 12/21
Kill Caustic
Miss Murder
Summer Shudder
The Interview
Love Like Winter
Affliction
The Missing Frame
Kiss and Control
The Killing Lights
37mm
Endlessly, She Said
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[23 Apr 2006|06:18pm] |
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what do you do
when you like someone
that doesnt want to be liked
yeah..i dont know either.
( gin and juice )
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[03 Apr 2006|12:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 my back hurts. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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breaking tides- between truth and fiction |
] |
-nadia
*madi didnt sign out of LJ when she gave me the computer! so i figured id tell everyone i love her.
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| shaken. |
[11 Mar 2006|10:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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alive. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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stg. |
] |
im still shaken up a bit
i was taking a driving course showing you how to handle and react in dangerous situations
i was in the last course
they wet the roads
it was me, two others girls, and a professional racecar driver
he was teaching us how to handle a skid..
he showed us how
so this blonde went
he told her to push the gas all the way down
we accelerated over 60, but the skidding slowed us down a bit.
she turned the wheel the wrong way
he yelled for her to turn the other
she turned, then turned again
we skidded
then she lost control
paniced
hit the gas, when he yelled BRAKE
he put it in neutral after she hit the gas
we crashed head on into a light pole
our bodies were thrown forward and caught by the seatbelts. i couldnt breathe the smoke was disgusting and i was shaking to much to get myself out of my seatbelt. i thought the car was overheating..i thought it might blow.
so we all got out and backed away.
everyone checked us out
the other two girls were fine but they called an ambulance for me
i have marks from where the seatbelt held me in
they were worried that i had internal bleeding because of my bruises on my abdomen, lower stomach..whatever it is.
everything was sore so i didnt know what felt right and what felt broken
i saw it coming. i braced myself. i saw every moment..and holy fucking shit it was fucking scary as hell. watching the pole coming and realizing that was the only way we'd stop..fucking scary. if you think about it..if you blink..you're either dead or alive. you blink, you're dead..you'll never know. you blink, you're alive..you realize you could have died.
my eyes were open. from beginning to end.
my mom was crying. it reminded her of the time when we were in an accident when i was 7. they said that if the drunk driver had only hit our car more in the middle..the spare tire would have come up and crushed me. Basically..i have 7 lives left. i even remember that crash, even though i was only 7. i remember going by saint davids carnival and hearing a roar from a motorcycle..then getting hit, spinning, and hitting a light pole. the drunk driver was trying to catch up to the man on the motorcycle, so he says..cause he "scared" him. fucking drunks.
i remember thinking it was going to blow, like in the movies..and to get out in less than 5 secs, like in the movies..so i did. and i did it again this time. memories..lol.
im fine now. on meds to help ease my backpain. the bruises arent so bad. on my hips and breast. thats it woot. looks like a fucking hikki lol. it wasnt too too bad..i mean..besides hitting a pole head on and everything...we didnt get too hurt for getting in this kind of crash. its crazy how things work out..someone could get into a small crash and die. and others can get into a 6 car pile up, under some semi..and live.
i love you all.
i hope you never go through what i did.
first kayleigh and her friends, then lindsey, then sky and remy, then nads and aly, and now me.
dangerous coincidences..
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| Art. |
[01 Mar 2006|02:23pm] |
| [ |
music |
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deftones//tbs//fftl |
] |
im tired.
so tired of how i let my journal get filled with useless memories of how ridiculous i can be sometimes. so im starting this again and including what has been and excluding what never was supposed to be.
title: "Anarchy Never Looked So Good To An Unknown Iraqi"
:]
the last part about the unknown iraqi was added for fun.
haha
( the description )
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| warped lineup. |
[17 Feb 2006|05:16am] |
| [ |
music |
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thelevvy//incisions |
] |
Bands so far confirmed:
The Fall Of Troy
Cartel
Throwdown
We Are The Fury
My American Heart
Forgive Durden
Rise Against
NoFX
Thursday
Motion City Soundtrack
From First to Last
Anti-Flag
Underoath
Against Me!
Every Time I Die
Armor For Sleep
The Bouncing Souls
Aiden
Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Senses Fail
The Audition
Classic Crime
I am the Avalanche
He Is Legend
Chiodos
June
So They Say
Gatsbys American Dream
It Dies Today
Remembering Never
Misery Signals
As Cities Burn
The Fully Down
Boy Sets Fire
Eighteen Visions
Emery
Stiletto Formal
Comeback Kid
Greeley Estates
The Academy Is...
Hellogoodbye
Less Than Jake
Valiant Thorr
Riverboat Gamblers
how hardcore is this lineup?? its insane.
CHIODOS IS BACK, AND FUCKING UO AND ANTIFLAG. plus they have the best screamo/hardcore bands ever. fucking..REMEMBERING NEVER, IT DIES TODAY, MISERY SIGNALS, AS CITIES BURN, EVERYTIME I DIE, and THE FALL OF TROY. i wouldnt miss this for the world. :]
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| Friends Only. |
[10 Sep 2005|01:37pm] |
This Journal Is Friends Only.
If I Add You, I Must Like You.
Feel Honored.</font?
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